That’s How the Letters Go
by Aseret Kitsune
Summary: Rvb, slash, het. Church writes to Tex, several times before he gets a reply. Though, it’s not one he particularly likes. Then Tucker gets involved.


**A/N:** I've been meaning to post this up for a while (months) now, and here it is: a series of letter between Tex, Church, and Tucker. Oh, and I've no idea when this takes place, just something I had to write for Creative Writing.  
My week so far has been long and, frankly, shitty, (and it's only Tuesday) so I'm hoping that posting this up will bring me some joy and maybe some amusement to you all.  
**Genre: **Humor/Romance  
**Rating:** PG-14 seems fine by me.  
**Pairings:**Church/Tex, Church/Tucker  
**Summary:** Church writes to Tex, several times before he gets a reply. Though, it's not one he particularly likes. Then Tucker gets involved.  
**Warnings: **Mentions of (kinky) sex, love, hate, break-ups, slash, het, cursing in abundance, threats, exclamation points, moping Church, cheating girlfriends, uses of first names, and violent exes. Joys upon joys.  
**Disclaimer: **I own naught but the plot.

_**That's How the Letters Go**_

Dear Tex,

I just wanted to let you know that even though you stole my wallet and cheated on me with my cousin, I still love you.

Love,

Leonard

Dear Tex,

I guess my last letter got lost in the mail, or something. I just want you to know that I forgive you for everything, even stealing my wallet and sleeping with my cousins…all at once.  
Love,  
Leonard

Dear Tex,

I see you haven't written me back, and you've cheated on me…again. Oh, and I still don't have my wallet. I really need my wallet, Tex. All my fucking money was in there.  
Leonard

Tex,

You had sex with my best friend, which is really funny since we've been going out for a year now and you've never touched me. Sexually. Ever.  
Leonard

Tex,

You haven't been returning my calls or my letters. I'm starting to think you're avoiding me. You did give me back my wallet, though. Thanks. But next time, could you leave my money and credit cards in there?  
Leonard

Tex,

It's been a month since I've last seen you (and that's only because I walked in on you and Ben). I'm really starting to worry.  
Leonard  
P.S. I can't find my wallet, again. Happen to know where it is?

Church,

I'm breaking up with you.  
Tex  
P.S. Please don't cry. Suck it up, you baby.

Hey Tex,

Oh, man! I read that letter you sent Church. That's kinda harsh to break up with him through a letter. He's been locked up in his room since he read it. Find it in your half-shark heart to try and make him feel better. I can't do a damn thing to help.  
Tucker  
P.S. Don't think I give a fuck about him or anything, I just can't fucking stand it when he's like this.

Tex,

I know Tucker sent you a letter. I don't know what he said, but don't believe him. Seriously, I'm fine. It's not like I've been holed up in my room and crying for the past week or anything…Seriously, I'm fine.  
Church

Tex,

Don't believe a thing Church is telling you. Man, he's been moping around when he actually goes out of his room. Which isn't that often, and only at night. Damn it, Tex, you need to talk to him! I'm tired of dealing with this shit!  
Tucker

Tucker,

He sounds like he's in a pitiful state. Fine, I'll talk to him. Just stop sending me letters, both of you!  
Tex  
P.S. I'll fucking kill you if you send me one more note. No one will have to pay me, either.

Tex,

I know you told me not to send another letter, but I really don't care. Ever since you "talked" to Church, he's been violent. Like, more than usual. He shot me in the fucking knee with the sniper rifle again!!! I can understand why you were yelling at him, I would too if he called me a bitch, but was it really necessary to twist his arm behind his back and make him beg for mercy? Okay, that was fucking hilarious, but he's been taking out his anger on me. Can you solve anything in a non-violent way?  
Tucker  
P.S. Seriously, can't you do anything-without hurting him-to cheer Church up? I really fucking hate it when he's like this.

Tucker

Damn it you son of a bitch, if you're so worried about him, why don't you date him yourself? Give him pity sex? Anything, just stop sending me letters!  
Tex

Tex,

That was really good advice. Thanks, Tex. Church isn't as angry. He doesn't shoot me anymore, anyway. I can't believe you guys never had sex, he's great! Well, thanks again, Tex.  
Tucker  
P.S. I never guessed he was so damn kinky. Not that I'm complaining.


End file.
